100 things that could happen before Zach Britton pitches in the AL Wild Card game

“He was fine,” Buck said.

“Nobody’s been pitching better for us than Ubaldo,” Buck said.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Why?

We may never know, Buck was very unclear in his presser after the game. All we can say for certain is that for some inconceivable reason, Zach Britton, potential AL Cy Young winner, did not enter Tuesday night’s AL Wild Card game, despite it being knotted at 2-2 for what felt like an eternity. His absence essentially contradicts all previously confirmed notions on proper bullpen use in high-leverage situations.

It boggles the mind.

So much so, in fact, we resorted to creating a list of hypotheticals. No, not about the game — that’s tawdry and unnecessary. Instead, here’s a list of 100 things that could happen before Zach Britton pitches in the AL Wild Card game:

  1. Tim Kaine learns how to debate properly.
  2. Mike Pence learns how to debate properly.
  3. “Veep” loses an Emmy nomination.
  4. Ted Williams comes back to life.
  5. The Cavs sign J.R. Smith.
  6. He wears a shirt to the press conference.
  7. Khaleesi dies.
  8. Chance takes a record deal.
  9. Donald Trump pays his taxes.
  10. The “I’ve Heard It Both Ways” podcast gets a SeatGeek ad spot.
  11. People stop blaming Brad.
  12. Miller High Life becomes an integral part of a cleanse.
  13. Jose Canseco regains his sanity.
  14. Someone makes a good Jaws sequel.
  15. Tina Fey swipes her AmEx card properly.
  16. Washington makes the College Football Playoff.
  17. Pete Rose gets reinstated.
  18. The Mexican government agrees to build the wall.
  19. Mike Trout’s superpowers are properly appreciated.
  20. Trump lets Stephen Colbert mess up his hair.
  21. We find out how “The Sopranos” ended.
  22. DJ Khaled loses.
  23. Doc Rivers loses his voice.
  24. Claire Underwood stops consuming the souls of all those who stand before her.
  25. People watch Conan.
  26. The Banana Boat springs a leak.
  27. Kanye runs for president.
  28. The Browns win the Super Bowl a game.
  29. Pixel outsells the iPhone.
  30. Michael Bay makes a critically acclaimed film.
  31. Sixers fans get closure.
  32. Donovan McNabb figures out the NFL’s overtime rules.
  33. Lindsay Lohan reattaches her finger.
  34. The Never Ending Story … ends.
  35. The Viagra commercials get less awkward.
  36. Dunkaroos return.
  37. New Englanders forget Deflategate.
  38. Frank Ocean puts out another album.
  39. Tim Burton disowns Johnny Depp.
  40. Putin gives up.
  41. Zack Wheeler exists.
  42. Nic Cage finally tells us what’s on Page 47.
  43. Pitchers sign with the Rockies.
  44. Nickelback wins a Grammy.
  45. Odell Beckham doesn’t take a personal foul.
  46. Google Plus becomes relevant.
  47. Chick-fil-A opens on Sundays.
  48. Russell Westbrook forgives Kevin Durant.
  49. Oklahoma City forgives Kevin Durant.
  50. Pat Riley forgives LeBron.
  51. Clevelanders get over 2016.
  52. The Wall Street Journal endorses Hillary Clinton.
  53. Curt Schilling understands social media.
  54. “Freaks and Geeks” becomes mainstream.
  55. Nathan Eovaldi “figures it out.”
  56. Instagram kills Boomerang.
  57. Apple gives up on the Apple Watch.
  58. Mike Myers makes another movie.
  59. Ryan Tannehill doesn’t underperform.
  60. Ryan Lochte tells the truth.
  61. The Simpsons end.
  62. South Park ends.
  63. The MBTA runs on time.
  64. The Metro runs on time.
  65. Public transit makes people happy.
  66. “Fetch” becomes a thing.
  67. “IRL” stops being a thing.
  68. Apple brings back tiny emojis.
  69. People stop saying “nice.”
  70. GIFs are pronounced “jifs.”
  71. Domino’s doesn’t taste like cardboard.
  72. People actually use TIDAL.
  73. Bon Iver’s song titles make sense.
  74. Your Uber comes to the right apartment complex.
  75. Buzzfeed quizzes fade away.
  76. Buzzfeed quizzes stop helping us procrastinate.
  77. The New York Times stops copying the Buzzfeed quiz model.
  78. We find out what’s eating Gilbert Grape.
  79. Netflix keeps movies for longer than a month.
  80. Steph Curry comes up in the clutch.
  81. Harambe comes back.
  82. Crying Jordan goes away.
  83. Peter Gammons figures out how to tweet.
  84. Bob Ryan figures out how to tweet.
  85. Jon Heyman figures out how to tweet.
  86. Michael Scott befriends Toby Flenderson.
  87. “Shut Up And Dance” gets out of your head.
  88. Tim Riggins leaves Texas.
  89. The “Cha Cha Slide” is not played at every high school dance.
  90. Drake proves he’s a Raptors fan.
  91. Bartolo Colon retires.
  92. Chipotle uses ground beef.
  93. Bob Stoops wins a big game.
  94. Eugene Levy finally turns down an American Pie role.
  95. Nick Saban leaves Alabama.
  96. Jose Altuve can stop eating off the kids menu.
  97. Borders re-opens.
  98. Roger Goodell cedes authority.
  99. Panera actually has everything on its menu in stock.
  100. Edwin Encarnacion hits a walk off homerun to win the AL Wild Card game in extra innings.
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